Monday

The start of the week is always a challenge for me.  I find, if I do something and keep doing it I tend to feel better.  For example, if I need to get out and run one errand, if I do that one without too much fear/anxiety, it motivates me to complete another and I tend to get a good momentum going.  Mondays, well that day is the start of pushing a rock up a hill for the week.  Today wasn't too bad, I got the kids ready easily enough.  It's really just dripping S off at school that is triggering because we have to go inside and it's a bit of a process to get her signed in and set up.  I did it though.  I have to keep reminding myself and rewarding myself mentally when I do accomplish things.  They might seem SO small or mundane to other people, to most people, but for me, they are huge and when I succeed at them, it's an indication that I'm going to be all right.

I've almost completely given up on ever feeling the way I did before the anxiety struck.  At least until I get into CBT again and really delve into the issues, I'm trying to appease myself with the fact that I am functioning better and I CAN function with this level of anxiety.  It's not fun, it's not easy, and I don't want to feel this way all the time, but at least I can feel again, at least I can function to some extent.

I'm feeling nervous about picking up B at the end of the day.  He's on a field trip and won't be home until 5. I have to take N & S and sign him out, go to the school to get him, and I'm terrified.  I can't figure out exactly why, it should be very straight forward and easy, but I am just a mess about it.  I'm going to go meditate now and try to talk myself through it when it's time.  Staying hopeful!